Tag Archives: society

It’s OK to Not Want Children

Random Thoughts, Random Writing, , , , , , , , , ,

It’s OK to not want children.

The reason I’m telling you this is because it’s something no one ever told me.

So just in case there’s somebody out there that needs to hear it… this one’s for you.

june cleaver

We’ve been told a lot of things.

We’ve been told that motherhood is a natural thing.

We’ve been told that there’s nothing like being a mother, or being a parent.

We’ve been told that it’s selfish not to want kids.

That one day, we’ll change our mind.

We’ve been told that it’s going to be some kind of scary disaster if we don’t want to have children.

“You’re going to regret it.”

“You’re going to end up alone.”

“No one is going to take care of you when you get older.”

“Your motherly instincts will eventually kick in.”

and.. (did I mention?) “One day you’ll change your mind.”

i dont want any kids

Once you hear these things enough times, at least in my experience, you tend to start doubting and questioning your own beliefs and desires.

“Is it true? Are they right? Will I change my mind?”

I waited 36 years for everyone around me ‘to be right’ until I finally had the clarity and the courage to face the fact that (gasp) maybe it was me who was right all along about what I want and don’t want. Shocking, I know.

So if you, like me, are not sure that you want children and people keep telling you that one day you’ll change your mind, then it’s time you also heard the following:

Not everyone is going to want children.

And that’s okay.

Because you don’t have to.

So, do whatever feels right.

relief

And you know what?

You don’t need to worry and make decisions like that based on fear, based on who is going to take care of you when you’re older, or whether or not you’ll be alone.

I’m sorry to break this to whoever is reading, but guess what? One has nothing to do with the other.

Having children is not some guarantee that they’ll take care of you when you’re older. I say that from experience, I’ve seen that around me.

And having children is not necessarily going to be the most pleasurable experience in the world, or help you find your purpose in life, or keep you and your partner together forever, or whatever other ridiculous idea we pass on from generation to generation.

what what baby

Each person should do what feels right to them.

If it really is your deep desire to be a mother — and I know that there are women out there who feel this way and I think that’s really awesome. In fact, those are exactly the kind of people that should be parents:  the ones that know, deep down inside, that this is their purpose here on this planet, to create and provide for another living being… and then another living being.. (and then another living being?), and not only are they willing to take on the challenge of everything that would entail, but they are excited and grateful for the opportunity to do so…?

I say: GO FOR IT.

Seriously. Follow your passion.

monica thumbs up

And then, if you’re not one of those people,

if for whatever reason you never had that same passion and desire….

but you’re kind of planning on going along with everybody else just because that’s what everyone else is doing…

even though it doesn’t actually feel that good to you…

then I’m just here to remind you:

It’s OK to not want children.

its ok to not want children

Hibernation

Random Quotes, , , , , , ,

“You live like this, sheltered, in a delicate world, and you believe you are living. Then you read a book… or you take a trip… and you discover that you are not living, that you are hibernating. The symptoms of hibernating are easily detectable: first, restlessness. The second symptom (when hibernating becomes dangerous and might degenerate into death): absence of pleasure. That is all. It appears like an innocuous illness. Monotony, boredom, death. Millions live like this (or die like this) without knowing it. They work in offices. They drive a car. They picnic with their families. They raise children. And then some shock treatment takes place, a person, a book, a song, and it awakens them and saves them from death. Some never awaken.” ? Anaïs Nin, The Diary of Anaïs Nin, Vol. 1: 1931-1934

“You live like this, sheltered, in a delicate world, and you believe you are living. Then you read a book… or you take a trip… and you discover that you are not living, that you are hibernating. The symptoms of hibernating are easily detectable: first, restlessness. The second symptom (when hibernating becomes dangerous and might degenerate into death): absence of pleasure. That is all. It appears like an innocuous illness. Monotony, boredom, death. Millions live like this (or die like this) without knowing it. They work in offices. They drive a car. They picnic with their families. They raise children. And then some shock treatment takes place, a person, a book, a song, and it awakens them and saves them from death. Some never awaken.”

– Anaïs Nin, The Diary of Anaïs Nin, Vol. 1: 1931-1934

The “Do-Whatever-Feels-Right-to-You” Relationship

Random Thoughts,

love outside the lines

There is another type of relationship out there called the “do-whatever-feels-right-to-you” relationship. It’s not defined by any rules except those that feel right to you, it doesn’t meet up to any society expectations except those that feel right to you, and it doesn’t need to be recognized by any government laws. Unless, of course, that feels right to you.

“Every cell in the body is programmed to work collaboratively with every other cell, so together they can promote the healthy functioning of the organ they’re part of. You and I are the same; we’re programmed to work collaboratively with each other in order to promote the healthy functioning of civilization. But just as a cancer cell is a cell that goes insane, disconnecting from its natural programming and going off to do its own thing instead, so a malignant consciousness has come to dominate the human race, luring us into self-centered and competitive rather than collaborative attitudes toward each other. The body can heal though, and so can a civilization. Cells, and people, can remember who they really are and why they’re really here. Then all is well.”

– Marianne Williamson