INTERVIEWER: “Mr. Kesey, do you feel that you have the right to do what you want? Whatever you want?”
KEN KESEY: “I feel that a man has the right to be as big as he feels it in him to be.”
The right to be big
Tag Archives: self-awareness
The Calming Effect
Over the past few years, I’ve been told by several people in various situations, that I have a “calming effect” on them. It always makes me laugh because I know my mind and “calm” is not necessarily the right description. The calm before the storm, maybe.
Usually, I just write it off to the fact that I’m soft-spoken, polite, (you know, just your basic ‘decent human being’ stuff which has become something of a lost art.) But tonight it happened again, a stranger I interacted with who started off by saying they had had a “long day”, later randomly mentioned this calming effect again.
It got me thinking, maybe I should stop ignoring these little messages from the universe and start using my calming superpowers for the greater good. I have a feeling the world could use some calming energy right about now and in the years ahead. Not sure what that means for me exactly, but I think I’m open to finding out.
When I wrote this on social media, someone commented: “It’s the balancing your being brings.. most people just don’t know what to call it.” It helped me to fine-tune this thing because I realized they were right.
In these moments, it’s usually me just “being” and the other person allowing themselves to share this space with me till we find some kind of balance. In tonight’s case we were forced to occupy the same space for a while so they had to adjust. In extreme situations, when people are way off to the other edge of the stress spectrum, my so-called calming energy can sometimes be overwhelming for them and they resist it even more. In those cases there is just no possibility for balance.
Anyway, that’s it. Namaste, bitches. (This calming thing comes and goes.)
For a minute there I lost myself
Life is what you make of it; no more, no less.
It’s OK to Not Want Children
It’s OK to not want children.
The reason I’m telling you this is because it’s something no one ever told me.
So just in case there’s somebody out there that needs to hear it… this one’s for you.
We’ve been told a lot of things.
We’ve been told that motherhood is a natural thing.
We’ve been told that there’s nothing like being a mother, or being a parent.
We’ve been told that it’s selfish not to want kids.
That one day, we’ll change our mind.
We’ve been told that it’s going to be some kind of scary disaster if we don’t want to have children.
“You’re going to regret it.”
“You’re going to end up alone.”
“No one is going to take care of you when you get older.”
“Your motherly instincts will eventually kick in.”
and.. (did I mention?) “One day you’ll change your mind.”
Once you hear these things enough times, at least in my experience, you tend to start doubting and questioning your own beliefs and desires.
“Is it true? Are they right? Will I change my mind?”
I waited 36 years for everyone around me ‘to be right’ until I finally had the clarity and the courage to face the fact that (gasp) maybe it was me who was right all along about what I want and don’t want. Shocking, I know.
So if you, like me, are not sure that you want children and people keep telling you that one day you’ll change your mind, then it’s time you also heard the following:
Not everyone is going to want children.
And that’s okay.
Because you don’t have to.
So, do whatever feels right.
And you know what?
You don’t need to worry and make decisions like that based on fear, based on who is going to take care of you when you’re older, or whether or not you’ll be alone.
I’m sorry to break this to whoever is reading, but guess what? One has nothing to do with the other.
Having children is not some guarantee that they’ll take care of you when you’re older. I say that from experience, I’ve seen that around me.
And having children is not necessarily going to be the most pleasurable experience in the world, or help you find your purpose in life, or keep you and your partner together forever, or whatever other ridiculous idea we pass on from generation to generation.
Each person should do what feels right to them.
If it really is your deep desire to be a mother — and I know that there are women out there who feel this way and I think that’s really awesome. In fact, those are exactly the kind of people that should be parents: the ones that know, deep down inside, that this is their purpose here on this planet, to create and provide for another living being… and then another living being.. (and then another living being?), and not only are they willing to take on the challenge of everything that would entail, but they are excited and grateful for the opportunity to do so…?
I say: GO FOR IT.
Seriously. Follow your passion.
And then, if you’re not one of those people,
if for whatever reason you never had that same passion and desire….
but you’re kind of planning on going along with everybody else just because that’s what everyone else is doing…
even though it doesn’t actually feel that good to you…
then I’m just here to remind you:
It’s OK to not want children.
Ever growing, ever changing
No. This is What’s Important.
There Is a Space
When we react to something, what actually happens is that our brain thinks to itself, “Hmmm, where have I encountered a similar experience before?” and then it re-acts, meaning: acts again. It’s a simple survival mechanism, but it doesn’t have to run on automatic. At any given moment we have the option to pause and say: “Thanks, but no thanks.. This time I’m responding differently.”
I’ve reached a point in my life where honesty and openness have become a priority. It isn’t always easy, but it’s always fulfilling. To stay true to myself is the ultimate freedom.
You can’t change what you haven’t realized yet. Once you realize what you were asleep to, the change happens on its own.”
– Byron Katie
I have resistance to people who feel the need to make a lot of noise and drama in order for others to accept who they are.. YOU accept who YOU are. The rest will follow. (And yes, i can easily turn that statement back on myself.)
Bedtime Comfort Challenge
This is a practice that i have found pretty interesting and i wanted to share. I call it the “Bedtime Comfort Challenge.”
Basically when you go to bed each night, you ask yourself: “What can I do to be even more comfortable than i am right now?”
If you listen to your body closely you will always find more and more things you can do to feel even more comfortable. It could mean changing positions, or spreading your legs a little more, or noticing your jaw is tense and relaxing it, or relaxing your forehead, or moving your arm a little more to the left, or shifting a boob… You get the picture. You ask yourself that question again and again and act accordingly until you are so comfortable that you are practically melting into the mattress.
If you repeat this process on a regular basis, you’ll benefit in 4 ways:
1) You practice bringing yourself into the NOW. In those moments, you are not lost in thought, reviewing the previous day or worrying about the next one, you are here and now, in this bed, in this moment.
2) You start training yourself to bring your awareness down into the body and to what it needs. For many of us, we are so ‘in our heads’ most of the time that often we forget there is a body attached.
3) You start getting used to paying attention to what makes you feel good, and to go in the direction of it. As that becomes more habitual, you’ll see it apply to other things in your life as well – finding the thoughts, words or actions that feel good to you and going in the direction of them.
and finally…
4) Its just really freaking comfortable and relaxing, and our bodies, minds and souls deserve that.. 🙂
If you think your life is about doingness, you do not understand what you are about. Your soul doesn’t care what you do for a living-and when your life is over, neither will you. Your soul cares only about what you’re being while you’re doing whatever you’re doing. It is a state of beingness the soul is after, not a state of doingness.
– Neale Donald Walsch
I Never Saw This Coming
That awkward moment when you realize your whole culture and society has been based on telling you what to FEEL. I’ve been so busy making sure nobody tells me what to DO, I never saw this coming.
What Gandhi DIDN’T Say
Whenever anyone says anything critical about Israel, there’s always an Israeli who will compare it to other countries and say “So what if we suck, we’re still better than THEM”. What kind of fucked up logic is that? How does that serve anything? We need to stop pointing our fingers at everyone else and start looking at ourselves! Like Gandhi said: “BE the change you want to see in the world” …he did NOT say…”Compare yourself to people who suck even more than you so that you can feel better about yourself.”
The New “Normal”
Some of us are so used to feeling like an outsider in this world that we’re barely able to recognize that the tables have turned. Feeling like an outsider is the new “normal!” We’re all starting to question ourselves and our reality, and while it can be a tough process releasing resistance to what we thought we knew, it’s also where the real fun begins.
That awkward moment when the only thing you want in life is to know what you want in life.