It’s OK to not want children.
The reason I’m telling you this is because it’s something no one ever told me.
So just in case there’s somebody out there that needs to hear it… this one’s for you.
We’ve been told a lot of things.
We’ve been told that motherhood is a natural thing.
We’ve been told that there’s nothing like being a mother, or being a parent.
We’ve been told that it’s selfish not to want kids.
That one day, we’ll change our mind.
We’ve been told that it’s going to be some kind of scary disaster if we don’t want to have children.
“You’re going to regret it.”
“You’re going to end up alone.”
“No one is going to take care of you when you get older.”
“Your motherly instincts will eventually kick in.”
and.. (did I mention?) “One day you’ll change your mind.”
Once you hear these things enough times, at least in my experience, you tend to start doubting and questioning your own beliefs and desires.
“Is it true? Are they right? Will I change my mind?”
I waited 36 years for everyone around me ‘to be right’ until I finally had the clarity and the courage to face the fact that (gasp) maybe it was me who was right all along about what I want and don’t want. Shocking, I know.
So if you, like me, are not sure that you want children and people keep telling you that one day you’ll change your mind, then it’s time you also heard the following:
Not everyone is going to want children.
And that’s okay.
Because you don’t have to.
So, do whatever feels right.
And you know what?
You don’t need to worry and make decisions like that based on fear, based on who is going to take care of you when you’re older, or whether or not you’ll be alone.
I’m sorry to break this to whoever is reading, but guess what? One has nothing to do with the other.
Having children is not some guarantee that they’ll take care of you when you’re older. I say that from experience, I’ve seen that around me.
And having children is not necessarily going to be the most pleasurable experience in the world, or help you find your purpose in life, or keep you and your partner together forever, or whatever other ridiculous idea we pass on from generation to generation.
Each person should do what feels right to them.
If it really is your deep desire to be a mother — and I know that there are women out there who feel this way and I think that’s really awesome. In fact, those are exactly the kind of people that should be parents: the ones that know, deep down inside, that this is their purpose here on this planet, to create and provide for another living being… and then another living being.. (and then another living being?), and not only are they willing to take on the challenge of everything that would entail, but they are excited and grateful for the opportunity to do so…?
I say: GO FOR IT.
Seriously. Follow your passion.
And then, if you’re not one of those people,
if for whatever reason you never had that same passion and desire….
but you’re kind of planning on going along with everybody else just because that’s what everyone else is doing…
even though it doesn’t actually feel that good to you…
then I’m just here to remind you:
It’s OK to not want children.