Tag Archives: god

Imagine You Lived in a Constant State of Orgasm

Imagine you lived in a constant state of orgasm. 24/7. Pretty cool, huh?

Now imagine you lived this way for eternity. Infinitely. Forever and ever.

Eventually, you will reach a point where you don’t even realize the experience (since it would simply become a part of you), but moreover, you would not be able to enjoy the experience because you no longer have anything to compare it to (i.e. NOT being in a state of orgasm).

So think of it this way: God/The Universe is in a constant state of infinite (metaphorical) orgasm. Only problem is, it has nothing to compare it to.

That’s where we come in.

Eternal Salvation

Yesterday, two girls stopped me on the street, pulled out a bible that was all highlighted and underlined, and began to convince me to celebrate Passover because according to the bible, the only way to achieve ‘eternal salvation’ is to drink wine and eat bread on Passover.

Me: Hmmm.. Could you define “eternal salvation” please?

Them: Like.. when you die, you’ll be like.. saved. Eternally!

Me: Wow, that’s interesting.. And all i have to do is eat bread and wine on Passover?

Them: Yeah! Well, not ALL you have to do, but God commands that you do that if you want salvation.

Me: Well, I’m Jewish and we already celebrate Passover so does that mean that i already receive eternal salvation?

Them: Um.. uh.. (i guess they weren’t sure if the “Get Out of Hell Free” card includes Jews)

<fast forward another 10 minutes of BS persuading techniques and witty comebacks>

Them: (exhausted) “Would you be interested in studying the bible with us?”

Me: “Sure! Would you be interested in studying things that aren’t the bible with me?”

Them: (shaking their heads) “We only go by the bible!”

Again they turned to a wonderful quote in their book, something about “anyone adding
to the word of God will be punished with plaques.”

Me: So the reason you don’t want to learn anything else is because you’re afraid God will punish you with a plague?

Them: No… We’re not afraid…god loves us unconditionally… he wants whats best for us!

Me: As long as you do what he tells you?

Them: Um… yea… no.. But.. Ok, well we really gotta go!

Me: OK. But before you go… and I’m not sure what the bible says about this but…Can i give you guys a hug? 

I practically watched their brain FRY before my very eyes. One started panicking and said “I cant, sorry”, the other one stumbled a little longer till she found her excuse: “I would but its just really HOT out and sticky and.. you know… OK bye!” and disappeared into oblivion.

Me: (to God) Forgive them, Father, for they know not what they do ;)

God: LOL