Tag Archives: freedom

It’s OK to Not Want Children

It’s OK to not want children.

The reason I’m telling you this is because it’s something no one ever told me.

So just in case there’s somebody out there that needs to hear it… this one’s for you.

june cleaver

We’ve been told a lot of things.

We’ve been told that motherhood is a natural thing.

We’ve been told that there’s nothing like being a mother, or being a parent.

We’ve been told that it’s selfish not to want kids.

That one day, we’ll change our mind.

We’ve been told that it’s going to be some kind of scary disaster if we don’t want to have children.

“You’re going to regret it.”

“You’re going to end up alone.”

“No one is going to take care of you when you get older.”

“Your motherly instincts will eventually kick in.”

and.. (did I mention?) “One day you’ll change your mind.”

i dont want any kids

Once you hear these things enough times, at least in my experience, you tend to start doubting and questioning your own beliefs and desires.

“Is it true? Are they right? Will I change my mind?”

I waited 36 years for everyone around me ‘to be right’ until I finally had the clarity and the courage to face the fact that (gasp) maybe it was me who was right all along about what I want and don’t want. Shocking, I know.

So if you, like me, are not sure that you want children and people keep telling you that one day you’ll change your mind, then it’s time you also heard the following:

Not everyone is going to want children.

And that’s okay.

Because you don’t have to.

So, do whatever feels right.

relief

And you know what?

You don’t need to worry and make decisions like that based on fear, based on who is going to take care of you when you’re older, or whether or not you’ll be alone.

I’m sorry to break this to whoever is reading, but guess what? One has nothing to do with the other.

Having children is not some guarantee that they’ll take care of you when you’re older. I say that from experience, I’ve seen that around me.

And having children is not necessarily going to be the most pleasurable experience in the world, or help you find your purpose in life, or keep you and your partner together forever, or whatever other ridiculous idea we pass on from generation to generation.

what what baby

Each person should do what feels right to them.

If it really is your deep desire to be a mother — and I know that there are women out there who feel this way and I think that’s really awesome. In fact, those are exactly the kind of people that should be parents:  the ones that know, deep down inside, that this is their purpose here on this planet, to create and provide for another living being… and then another living being.. (and then another living being?), and not only are they willing to take on the challenge of everything that would entail, but they are excited and grateful for the opportunity to do so…?

I say: GO FOR IT.

Seriously. Follow your passion.

monica thumbs up

And then, if you’re not one of those people,

if for whatever reason you never had that same passion and desire….

but you’re kind of planning on going along with everybody else just because that’s what everyone else is doing…

even though it doesn’t actually feel that good to you…

then I’m just here to remind you:

It’s OK to not want children.

its ok to not want children

There Is a Space

Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.

When we react to something, what actually happens is that our brain thinks to itself, “Hmmm, where have I encountered a similar experience before?” and then it re-acts, meaning: acts again. It’s a simple survival mechanism, but it doesn’t have to run on automatic. At any given moment we have the option to pause and say: “Thanks, but no thanks.. This time I’m responding differently.”

speak the truth

I’ve reached a point in my life where honesty and openness have become a priority. It isn’t always easy, but it’s always fulfilling. To stay true to myself is the ultimate freedom.

 

Imagine If the World Had No Borders

imagine a world with no borders

Imagine if the world had no borders, and you didn’t need passports and visas and permits and all that crap, you could just go settle down wherever you felt you wanted to be, whenever you felt you wanted to be there. Farmers would go to the best farming land, surfers would follow the best waves, artists could chase their highest inspirations, hipsters would scope out the best cities for their hipster needs. You could live in whatever culture you resonated most with, speak among whatever languages wanted to roll off your tongue, follow whatever government or laws you agreed most with. You could choose your favorite climate, you could gaze out into your favorite night sky, you could connect with whatever fellow humans you wanted to connect with. The entire living, breathing being we call Earth would be your Mother and your Home. Imagine that. <3