I tried to watch The Social Dilemma but I kept getting distracted by my phone. What’s it about?
“What did you do as a child that made the hours pass like minutes? Herein lies the key to your earthly pursuits.” — C.G. Jung
I remember I used to like following the ice cream truck on my bike until he was so far out of my neighborhood that I would feel “lost,” and then I’d turn around and try to trace my way back home again. In a way, I’m still doing that in my “earthly pursuits.” Seeking adventure, feeling lost, finding my way back home. In the end, it’s all about enjoying the ride.
<Enter ice cream truck music here because that’s what I heard the entire time.>
It’s OK to not want children.
The reason I’m telling you this is because it’s something no one ever told me.
So just in case there’s somebody out there that needs to hear it… this one’s for you.
We’ve been told a lot of things.
We’ve been told that motherhood is a natural thing.
We’ve been told that there’s nothing like being a mother, or being a parent.
We’ve been told that it’s selfish not to want kids.
That one day, we’ll change our mind.
We’ve been told that it’s going to be some kind of scary disaster if we don’t want to have children.
“You’re going to regret it.”
“You’re going to end up alone.”
“No one is going to take care of you when you get older.”
“Your motherly instincts will eventually kick in.”
and.. (did I mention?) “One day you’ll change your mind.”
Once you hear these things enough times, at least in my experience, you tend to start doubting and questioning your own beliefs and desires.
“Is it true? Are they right? Will I change my mind?”
I waited 36 years for everyone around me ‘to be right’ until I finally had the clarity and the courage to face the fact that (gasp) maybe it was me who was right all along about what I want and don’t want. Shocking, I know.
So if you, like me, are not sure that you want children and people keep telling you that one day you’ll change your mind, then it’s time you also heard the following:
Not everyone is going to want children.
And that’s okay.
Because you don’t have to.
So, do whatever feels right.
And you know what?
You don’t need to worry and make decisions like that based on fear, based on who is going to take care of you when you’re older, or whether or not you’ll be alone.
I’m sorry to break this to whoever is reading, but guess what? One has nothing to do with the other.
Having children is not some guarantee that they’ll take care of you when you’re older. I say that from experience, I’ve seen that around me.
And having children is not necessarily going to be the most pleasurable experience in the world, or help you find your purpose in life, or keep you and your partner together forever, or whatever other ridiculous idea we pass on from generation to generation.
Each person should do what feels right to them.
If it really is your deep desire to be a mother — and I know that there are women out there who feel this way and I think that’s really awesome. In fact, those are exactly the kind of people that should be parents: the ones that know, deep down inside, that this is their purpose here on this planet, to create and provide for another living being… and then another living being.. (and then another living being?), and not only are they willing to take on the challenge of everything that would entail, but they are excited and grateful for the opportunity to do so…?
I say: GO FOR IT.
Seriously. Follow your passion.
And then, if you’re not one of those people,
if for whatever reason you never had that same passion and desire….
but you’re kind of planning on going along with everybody else just because that’s what everyone else is doing…
even though it doesn’t actually feel that good to you…
then I’m just here to remind you:
It’s OK to not want children.
When I was in 3rd grade we were asked to write a letter to the POTUS. I recently came across this letter and noticed the little edit that my teacher decided to add in red. I don’t know if to be mad at the teacher for trying to force her political views on me, or to thank her for trying to open my eyes at such an early age…
#SameShitDifferentYear #WhenWillItEnd #ThirdGraders4Peace
My nephew was born with a mission to invent a pill that prevents people from aging and dying. He’s been talking about it ever since he could speak. <3
As long as you people keep popping out babies, you should at least know that there are other options out there to make childbirth a positive and pleasurable experience. ;)
Schools in SF that adopted a mandatory ‘Quiet Time’ (“Twice daily, a gong sounds in the classroom and rowdy adolescents, who normally can’t sit still for 10 seconds, shut their eyes and try to clear their minds”) saw dramatic changes in everything: grades improved, suspensions fell, crimes reduced, children were happier.. all that good stuff we already know and society is starting to understand.
My 6-year-old niece: “Shira, who do you love most in the world?”
(Hey, you gotta teach them young) ;)
Now this is my kind of restaurant… ;)
My proposal to the Middle East conflict… I think it’s worth a shot.
Recently I came across a man who home-schools his children. He said he doesn’t believe in sticking children inside 4 walls and forcing them to memorize information, but rather they take a topic that the child is interested in, and then they “dive all the way in”.
For example, if the child likes insects, they would go into the woods and observe different insects, then they would go home and research the ones they saw and learn everything there is to know about them – the different types, where they can be found on the planet, how their bodies work, etc. They watch videos, they ask questions, they discuss it, they dive all the way in.
What ends up happening is that the child naturally becomes exposed to things such as language, science, geography, math, etc, simply by being allowed to follow his or her current excitement.
I’m not a parent, but I am a kid, and that sure as hell makes sense to me… :)